We are all buildings and people inside

Okay, we're getting this thing done! I'm making up for the rest of February.

The first picture is for both #19 (something you hate to do) and #20 (handwriting), because it's a written order for a blood test. I guess I don't hate blood tests, but I do dislike them.#21 is a favorite photo of me. I'm pretty sure I've used this one before, but I really do like it, and it's the only photo I can think of that I like and is just of me. Most photos I like of myself have my family and/or friends in them, and that's fitting, but I like this picture of myself because even though what I'm about to do is completely and utterly frightening to me, I go ahead and do it anyway!! That, my friends, is bravery, if I do say so myself. Which I do. Seriously, I've faced the labor and delivery of my children with far less fear than I felt when rappelling off a cliff.
Ok so #22 is supposed to be where I work and this is obviously not exactly where I work. This is where I practice the piano (keyboard, same diff.) though, and that's sort of work. I set up a few pieces of Grandma Wood's music though, for added interest. =)#23, my shoes. Behold. The ones not pictured are the ones I want to get rid of. I might get rid of a few more, just for kicks. (Nya-ah-ah!)#24, inside my bathroom cabinet.#25, like #21, is not a current picture, but it is green and it happens to be a place I love. And yes, that's a blurry cat clinging for dear life to that tree. Not moments before this picture, Nathan (at age 2) had picked it up and was carrying it around. I'm glad it didn't scratch him!#26 is early evening on our street.#27 is our dinner one night.
#28 is money, both a picture of a coin and a shot from the song "Money" by Pink Floyd.
#29 is a screenshot from a fan video of "Little Bird" by The Weepies, which is something I was listening to.

Comfort

Nathan wouldn't stop crying earlier when he came walking into the room.

I guess he was just tired and disappointed. I didn't let him play outside with his friends today since he crossed the street without permission yesterday.

I haven't held him like this in a long time.

This song doesn't really relate completely, but I was listening to it at the time.

Unlike with paintings, just because a photograph is blurry does not make it an impressionist work of art.

Enjoy the fruits of my poorly-lit efforts.

Ugh, feet taste nasty.

Yeah, so... I'm pretty embarrassed. In my ambition to make my mom and sisters laugh, I probably offended a neighbor. I really need to be more careful when I say things. Seriously, there's this incredibly vivid, detailed list in my head of some of the worst things I've done accidentally to offend or hurt people, and I'm pretty sure that's going down on the list. Guys, I can't even give you an example of what's on that list because I just can't even do that! I wish there was something like punching a shark in the nose on that list, because then I could tell you that story. Oh that would be an awesome story.

Anyway, let's move on. I resolve to be nicer! Mostly. No really, I will.

So, picture of the day? Yeah remember that? Maybe I'll just start picking and choosing as I see fit and skipping the rest so I can catch up.

This is for #17 (time) and #18 (drink). Actually it's a pretty dang loose definition of time, so if you don't want to count it that's fine with me. I'll let you draw your own conclusions as to why this represents drink.My reasons for saying this picture represents time is because time and time again, Jared has created shake-ly masterpieces for us to consume while enjoying one of the many shows we've watched over the years. Mmmm shakes. He's pretty self-sacrificing because I always say "more hot fudge!" when he wouldn't necessarily agree, but he dumps more in anyway. Last time he made a shake, there wasn't quite enough hot fudge for my taste but I said it tasted fine anyway. Of course he didn't believe me and teased me about how at this point in the shake-making process (called the tasting stage) I slap him and ask belligerently, "Is this vanilla?? Is this a glass of milk??"

Why is it that his impressions of me always make me sound abusive? And why can't we be bothered to close the fridge? Or change the calendar to the proper month? Or throw away that creepy dead plant on top of the fridge? Hmm... much to ponder. I'm going to let someone else ponder it though because I'm going to go watch something ridiculous on TV and sip some cocoa.

Stuff I'm thinking about right now.

I'm pretty sure there aren't any (or many) people who read this blog that don't already know I had a miscarriage almost two weeks ago. I didn't want anyone but my closest friends and family to know about it because I hate the awkwardness that comes with condolences. They feel awkward giving them, I feel awkward responding to them, it's just a big pile of awkwardness that I'd rather avoid. I'm a pretty private person. PPP to the max! Ahem.

Anyway, I read that one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, so... I'm hoping I've filled my quota. I know that's stupid, because that's just an average and who am I to take comfort in numbers that have very little to do with people's actual experiences and feelings? But I'll take comfort where I can, thanks, since I'm still filled with so much uncertainty. See, I never saw a body. Most of the time I'm okay with that. With that specific uncertainty, I mean. But then there are moments when I see a little baby or a pregnant woman or I'm just sitting there doing something when I wonder, was there ever a body? If there was, was the development to the point where a spirit had entered the body? I mean, did the body move? My cousin told me there was a Brigham Young quote basically saying that if the fetus moves, the spirit has entered the body. I believe that's probably true, although I have to say I'm not sure. It could be sooner or later, too, honestly. That's not my point though. My point is, is there another spirit in our immediate family, on the other side? Dare I even hope? If not, then what was the point of this? And why do I need a point anyway? I've never really needed to feel like there was a purpose to things before. I just figured, life was random and stuff happens and you deal with it the best you can and trust in God that everything's going to be fine in the end, even if it's crappy in this moment. Why do I care now if there's a purpose or not? I guess it's cause I'm sad. I'll get over it eventually. At least I'm not pissed. And I've been pissed before, so I'll take what I can get.

Also, I think it's creepy when the ads on the top or side of a page have pictures of products that you've looked at recently. Yeah, I know it's because of cookies/algorithms/etc., but it's creepy. It's like they're in my head or something.

Anyway, I'm grateful I'm close with my family, and that Jared's so loving and supportive, and that I've already got three lovely kids. Like so:

#11: Makes me happy

Hmm... yeah. I don't know, this makes me happy and nervous. But I'm counting it anyway.On one hand, I'm glad Nathan has friends in the neighborhood that he can play with after school. On the other hand, there are cars, and creepers, and all sorts of dangers he could encounter.